Free. All of it.
Everything on this page works whether or not you ever contact me. Some of it is better evidenced than anything I sell, and I have said so next to each one.
- No email required
- No download gate
- Nothing you type leaves your browser
- No tracking
If you need help right now
This is first on the page on purpose. Nothing below it is more important. These are free, staffed around the clock, and the people answering will not be shocked by anything you say.
| Where you are | Call or text | Who answers |
|---|---|---|
| United States | 988 | Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text, 24/7 |
| United States | Text HOME to 741741 | Crisis Text Line — if talking is too much |
| Canada | 988 | Suicide Crisis Helpline — call or text |
| UK & Ireland | 116 123 | Samaritans — free from any phone |
| UK | Text SHOUT to 85258 | Shout — text only |
| Australia | 13 11 14 | Lifeline Australia |
| New Zealand | 1737 | Need to talk? — call or text |
| Anywhere else | findahelpline.com | Lists verified services by country |
If someone is in immediate physical danger, call your local emergency number instead. If you are supporting someone else, you are allowed to call these lines on your own behalf.
Breathing, four ways
Slow breathing is the most reliably evidenced thing I do with anyone, and it costs nothing. Pick a pattern, press begin, and follow the circle. Two or three minutes is a real dose.
Stop if you feel light-headed, and breathe normally. Paced breathing is not right for everyone — check with your doctor first if you have a respiratory or cardiac condition, and skip it if slowing your breath makes you more anxious rather than less.
Five, four, three, two, one
For when your mind has run ahead of you. You name things you can actually sense, which is hard to do while catastrophising. Therapists use this constantly; the formal research on this specific version is thinner than its popularity suggests, and it is still worth two minutes.
Five things you can see.
Say them in your head, or out loud. Ordinary things count — a door handle, a stain on the carpet.
Fifteen minutes of writing nobody will read
In the original protocol, people wrote about their deepest thoughts and feelings on a difficult experience for fifteen to twenty minutes, for four days. Meta-analysis puts the average benefit as small but genuine. It costs nothing, and nobody ever has to see it.
This text never leaves your browser. It is not saved, not sent, and not stored anywhere — closing this tab erases it permanently, which is the point. If you want to keep it, copy it somewhere yourself before you go.
Writing about something painful can leave you feeling worse for a few hours before it settles. That is a documented and normal part of it. If you feel worse for longer than a day or two, stop, and talk to someone.
Thirty questions worth sitting with
No research behind these whatsoever. They are the questions I find myself asking people, written down. Press for another until one of them catches on something.
What would you have to admit was true, if you stopped being busy?
How to check out any practitioner, including me
This industry is unregulated. Print this, or keep it open in a tab, and hold it up against anyone offering you this kind of work — me included. Every box you can tick is a reason to relax slightly.
Your ticks are remembered in this browser only, so you can come back to the list. Nothing is sent anywhere.
If what you actually need is a therapist
Sometimes it is. Saying so costs me a booking and I would rather you got the right help than my help, so here is what I would tell a friend.
- The relationship matters more than the method.Decades of research point the same way: how well you get on with the person predicts your outcome more reliably than which school of therapy they trained in. If the first one is not right, that is information, not failure. Try someone else.
- Most directories let you filter by what you are dealing with.In the US, Psychology Today and Open Path Collective (which lists reduced-fee therapists). In the UK, the BACP and NHS talking-therapies self-referral. Search for your country plus "registered therapist directory" and look for a body that actually regulates.
- Ask about money in the first email.Sliding scales, reduced-fee places, and training clinics with supervised therapists at lower rates are all normal and widely available. A good practitioner will not be embarrassed by the question.
- A consultation call is standard.Most therapists offer one free. Use it to notice how you feel talking to them, not to audit their credentials.
- You can do both.Many of the people I see are also in therapy, and in my experience that combination works well. Tell each of us about the other.
Where to read further
The papers behind everything this site claims, in plain order. All are findable by title; several are open access.
- Zaccaro et al. (2018), Frontiers in Human Neuroscience"How breath-control can change your life" — the systematic review behind the breathing section. Open access.
- Balban et al. (2023), Cell Reports MedicineA month-long randomised comparison of breathing practices and mindfulness meditation; cyclic sighing came out ahead on mood. Open access.
- Frattaroli (2006), Psychological BulletinThe meta-analysis of expressive writing. Useful precisely because it is honest that the average effect is small.
- Flückiger et al. (2018), PsychotherapyThe alliance meta-analysis — why who you work with matters as much as what they do.
- Kaptchuk & Miller (2015), New England Journal of Medicine"Placebo effects in medicine" — two pages, no jargon, and it will change how you think about all of this.
- Brooks et al. (2016), Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes"Don't stop believing: rituals improve performance by decreasing anxiety" — the ritual experiments, including the sceptics.
A card for your wallet
Print this page and everything interactive drops away, leaving the parts worth having on paper. Or just photograph the box below.
When it is too much
- Breathe out longer than you breathe in. Two slow ones.
- Name five things you can see. Out loud if you can.
- Put both feet flat on the floor and press down.
- Cold water on your wrists or the back of your neck.
- Text one person. It does not matter what you say.
If it is more than that: US and Canada 988 · UK and Ireland 116 123 · Australia 13 11 14 · elsewhere findahelpline.com
Because the best-evidenced parts were never mine to sell.
Slow breathing, writing things down, being properly heard — the research behind those belongs to the people who did it, and it works whether or not you ever pay me. Putting it behind an email form would make me exactly the kind of practitioner the rest of this site warns you about.
If you want the other thing — the ninety quiet minutes, the work I actually do — that is what the free call is for. And if you never take it, I hope this page was worth the visit anyway.